The past few days have been a rollercoaster. I went home in a positive frame of mind, with concrete plans and high hopes. From the word go nothing went the way it was supposed to, nor how I wanted it to. The 'plan' fell apart almost instantly, and although it resolved itself in the end I was left with a sour taste in my mouth. This probably influenced the remainder of the night; over analysing things, over reacting to things and worrying too much.
Needless to say I had a terrible time, made my excuses and left. Thus followed a couple of days plagued by feelings of confusion and anxiety. It was in this time frame and consequently negative frame of mind I had planned on writing this post.
I'm fucking glad I didn't. Good choice.
The past few days have brought some revelations; some obvious, some less so and I won't go into any detail about most of them here. Yet the most significant aspect I have taken away is the importance of patience.
When posting these blogs you always risk saying things that people might not agree with. I've accepted this quite openly. Most of the time I don't give a damn what people think about what I write, so long as it is true to how I feel. Yet if I were to write with the negative mindset of a few days ago it would find its way here in a tangible form. While it may represent how I feel at the time it is only a momentary feeling. It doesn't represent the full extent of the truth and is thus misleading. If certain people were to read my writing in this mindset it would no doubt cause some damage to their opinion of me. Again, if I were writing coherently and with a level head, I honestly would not give it a second thought if people are offended, or I lose ground in their opinion. It would be justified from their point of view, and from mine; but if I was writing from a position of distress, or any other extreme emotion, then it isn't a fair representation to be judged against.
In other words, I don't mind being guilty of something, so long as I actually do it, and would be willing to do it at any time, regardless of circumstance. Ideals can change, but they are only ideals if you are willing to defend them no matter the circumstance. If suddenly under emotional distress you abandon your ideals and morals, they were never true to begin with. Equally decisions made under such a 'stress' will never be a fair representation of the whole of someone's character, just aspects of it.
In this regard I am infinity glad I managed to restrain my negativity, here and elsewhere (except to a couple of people whom had the task of keeping me together. Thank you). In light of recent events It was definitely the right decision.
Things look positive right now =].
Now that is out the way I can move forward.
Next stops are a gig review and my mini 'essay.'